Thank you so much for your kind comments. You all make me cry happy tears. You make me feel loved and cared for. You make me feel like I can survive this. You make me feel like I can do anything.
I'm...okay. Still very much in the she's-no-longer-in-pain place. The last week of her life, they quadrupled her morphine. Things were getting bad...very bad. Her pain is over now. And if I focus on that, I can handle this.
I'm trying hard to focus on self-care because I let that fall by the wayside months ago. I'm trying. Taking my meds, etc.
In that vein, I've started biking again. And by that I mean using my little pedaler. I love that thing. I've been biking 30 to 45 minutes a day...which surprised me, frankly. I hadn't done it in many months but I kicked some ass. I started by telling myself I would go for five minutes. And, the next thing I knew, a half hour had passed. I'm able to do this stuff because my doctor back in California prescribed me pain killers. I'm hoping that if I explain this to my doctor here, he'll be willing to do the same. I want to use the pain killers to enable me to work on my body and get it to a point where I no longer need them. I wish he'd understand that.
I have some exciting stuff coming up in the next couple of weekends. New adventures and meeting new people. And I'm terrified but I'm going ahead anyway. I don't want fear to stop me. Not anymore.