Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Thank you so much for your kind comments. You all make me cry happy tears. You make me feel loved and cared for. You make me feel like I can survive this. You make me feel like I can do anything.

I'm...okay. Still very much in the she's-no-longer-in-pain place. The last week of her life, they quadrupled her morphine. Things were getting bad...very bad. Her pain is over now.  And if I focus on that, I can handle this.

I'm trying hard to focus on self-care because I let that fall by the wayside months ago. I'm trying. Taking my meds, etc.

In that vein, I've started biking again. And by that I mean using my little pedaler. I love that thing. I've been biking 30 to 45 minutes a day...which surprised me, frankly. I hadn't done it in many months but I kicked some ass. I started by telling myself I would go for five minutes. And, the next thing I knew, a half hour had passed. I'm able to do this stuff because my doctor back in California prescribed me pain killers. I'm hoping that if I explain this to my doctor here, he'll be willing to do the same. I want to use the pain killers to enable me to work on my body and get it to a point where I no longer need them. I wish he'd understand that.

I have some exciting stuff coming up in the next couple of weekends. New adventures and meeting new people. And I'm terrified but I'm going ahead anyway. I don't want fear to stop me. Not anymore.


  1. The best way to make new memories to to go out and try new things. You've done such a good job so far this year...I know you can keep on doing as well as you did before.

  2. I'm sorry to hear about your mama Heidi. It's going to be a hard journey for sure but you do have the support of many! I'm glad that you aren't letting that, or fear stop you from living life. If you ever need to talk, feel free to on facebook, or email or text (if you want my # let me,know and I'll get it to you).

  3. For reals. Fuck both of them. Cry if you need too, though, and lean on your people.

  4. Good luck with everything and go kick some major ass! I'm sure you can do it! <3