Sunday, October 27, 2013

 Something weird happened. I woke up, unable to breathe and I saw things that weren’t there. I saw people standing over my bed, people staring at me, people trying to touch me, walls that aren’t there, the room reconfigured. I was trying so hard to not scream, my heart racing, gasping for air. I had to force myself to touch them to prove they weren’t there. I was too scared to try to touch the people around me - thinking I was, literally, about to die - so I pushed my hands through the wall that wasn’t there. On the verge of hysterics, almost in tears, I had to turn on the lights until my heart stopped racing and I could drug myself back asleep. Before I woke up, my roommate heard me making noises in my sleep. This was the second time this happened. I’m hoping it was just bad dreams.

Hallucinations: Just What I Need Added to My Psychiatric Problems.

In my therapy group one of the members told me how much she appreciated me, the insight I give, and how sincere I always am. And that I’m a really big reason she attends group. She actually started crying. It blew me away.

 I did some new kink stuff that I may share pictures from once I receive them. I’ve been more social lately, which is awesome. It doesn’t happen often so I need to act on it!

Tomorrow I start training to volunteer with a domestic violence organization. I’m nervous but looking forward to it. I need something to get me out of the house and give me some purpose.

12 comments:

  1. That sounds like Hypnagogic hallucinations. They're not, "true" hallucinations and don't indicate any psychiatric problem, though they are scary.

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  2. Sounds like sleep paralysis, which lots of people have, some once or twice ever, some regularly. You may or may not want to bring it up with a doctor/therapist if this is a new thing. But, for what it's worth, it's pretty common!

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    1. Thank you so much! You've made me feel way better!! <3

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    2. I was thinking sleep paralysis, too! Espesh because of the breathing.

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  3. While terrifying, what you experienced is TOTALLY a normal thing. It's called sleep paralysis: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis Other names: hypnogogic / hypnopompic hallucinations, "old hag syndrome", etc... People think sleep paralysis might explain alien abductions, out of body experiences, and other common "supernatural" experiences. I used to get it a lot (though fortunately with less terrifying hallucinations), especially before I had my thyroid removed. From the wikipedia article it sounds like it can be caused by many things, including sleep apnea or various medications - maybe one of your meds is off? Either way, I would not freak out about it; it's an extremely common phenomenon that just about every culture has developed folklore to explain.

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    1. Thank you so much! You've made me feel way better!! <3

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  4. random reader here: sounds like a hypnagogic hallucination / sleep paralysis, i.e. super-scary but relatively harmless (unless it happens often).

    http://www.wisegeek.org/what-are-hypnagogic-hallucinations.htm
    http://www.metafilter.com/85610/The-sleep-of-reason
    http://www.theguardian.com/science/2009/oct/02/sleep-paralysis

    Very much enjoy your blog -- you are so brave and strong! :-)

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    1. Thank you so much! You've made me feel way better!! <3

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  5. sounds like it could be night terrors (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_terror).

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  6. I've a friend for who years was plagued with seeing people and waterfalls in her bedroom and geometric tetris style graphic shapes among other things. YEARS... we are in our mid forties and this had been happening since her teens, but no doctor could give her a definitive answer. Then I saw a TED talk ~ "Oliver Sacks: What hallucination reveals about our minds". Of course I called her immediately and she had recently seen it as well. It was what she had been suffering from all her life! It was such a relief to her to have these explained. If you've got 20 mins, check it out. Good Luck!

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  7. Another vote for sleep paralysis. I used to experience it pretty often, and my strategy for falling back into normal (non-hallucinating) sleep was to turn on some music and let it "guide" me into a normal sleep state.

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