Friday, March 29, 2013

Rainbows and Bear Ears

I’ve wanted rainbow hair for years but knew it’d be a pain in the ass to do and keep up. But! I had, like, an inch of dye in red, orange, yellow, blue, and purple. So I decided it was rainbow time! It didn’t come out as clean and sharp as I’d like because some of the colors blended when I rinsed. I do wish it were brighter but, when blending, some of it just turned kinda muddy. I know better for next time though!

I’ve been debating for a few weeks whether I can justify/afford to become a member of the cities sportsplex in order to get access to the pool and whirlpool. Also, the recumbent bikes and weight room. But $44 a month is a lot right now. (The only other pool is at the University. It’s $9 less but I’d have to buy a parking permit. I already know if I joined, I’d never go because parking is a nightmare and I’d feel more self conscious around college kids.) I don’t know. I think my body would be so happy to swim and walk in the pool because it wouldn’t hurt and I love love love being in the water. The internal debate continues!

Speaking of making my body happy, I purchased this High Density Foam Roller. It acts as a deep tissue massage. My back only responds to extremely intense, agonizingly painful massage. I have a friend who has worked on me a couple of times and he digs in so deep that I, absolutely no exaggeration, scream for the entire 45 minutes. And then I could touch my toes without pain for the first time in years. Unfortunately, he lives nearly an hour away so I can’t knock on his door and beg him to make me cry on a regular basis. Hopefully this sucker will, at least partially, mimic the complete fucking agony my back needs in order to improve.

People in my therapy group say they can see so much growth in me. They see my walls crumbling and allowing people in. I hope they’re right.

I’ve decided to quit drinking the cheap 32oz well drinks on Wasted Wednesday. They seriously react hardcore with my medications. I black out and can’t remember 90% of the night. So, no more. Especially because some of my meds have been increased. I’m going to either drink Coke or water or, on occasion, one or two beers. I’m staying away from the hard liquor because, ugh, I can’t stand having no clue what I did or said the night before.

I sent this in to the I Embrace Body Love campaign. You have a couple of days left to do it too!


  1. I'm so glad to hear that you are not going to be drinking the hard stuff...I wonder if that will allow the meds to do an even greater job of making you feel better.
    Love the rainbow hair...I wish I had the courage to do that but I think it suits you much better than it would suit me.

    1. I think it will. My therapist has mentioned more than once that the number/types of drugs I take makes heavy/binge drinking really dangerous. And it just hit me (after how bad it was the last time I went to the bar) that I don't LIKE feeling that way. And it finally hit me that doing so was a really self injurious and self destructive thing. No more, damn it!

      I think it would suit EVERYONE!

  2. I will give you the $9 per month if that means you can afford the pool. I wish that I could afford to buy the membership for you, but I can't. But I can afford, like, $15 a month if that will make the difference between you being able to go to the pool and whirlpool or not.

    1. Oh my god!! You managed to make me all weepy. I want to tell you "oh, no, you don't have to do that!" One of my goals for this year is to accept help when it's offered. If you're SURE it won't cause you financial trouble or would mean the world to me. Coming up with the remaining cost is SO much more do-able than the $44. You've made me so happy. And the fact that you believe in me and my ability to heal makes my heart overflow. Thank you Julianne. Your kindness means the world to me. And please don't hesitate if there's something I can do in return. Aside from the massive bear hugs I'm mentally sending your way!!