Friday, July 8, 2011


Oh my god! The amazing Anita from I Read Everything and I Read Odd Books sent me a great big box of reading material! Eeeeeeeeh! I'm so giddy!! And shocked and excited!!

Life, broken into segments.

Ugh, my pain is being an evil bitch and it's really upsetting me. I've been doing my physical therapy strength and stretching exercises. And have started pedaling again. (Thank you, Sonya!! That thing is a god-send to me.) Sometimes I go 30 minutes straight, other times I break it up throughout the day. And sometimes I manage 5 minutes, period, and call it a success. It just depends on how my body is feeling. I'm not going to lie, I don't do my exercises or pedaling every single day. I'd like to but I don't. But, now, I do them more days than I don't do them so I consider that a huge improvement.

I think the pain is upsetting me more emotionally than before. Because, for a little while there, I actually didn't have it. For the first time in over six years, I didn't hurt constantly. I'd forgotten what that was like – to not hurt. And now that's gone and it's pissing me off. Sigh. It's okay, I'll get my shit together and move on.

After spending about 10 minutes in the direct sunlight with no sunblock, I broke out in an itchy rash all over my chest and belly. Due to my bitching on Twitter, I was linked to Polymorphic Light Eruption, which looks and sounds exactly like what I have. See, I fucking told you people the sun was trying to kill me! Not one of you bastards believed me!

I see my general doctor in a few weeks. My list includes my bi-annual STI tests and the godawful allergies I've acquired since moving here. I think that's it, really.

Mental HealthI'm finding it easier to identify my emotions and their root cause and figure out what I need in order to take care of myself. Like when I was overwhelmed by social interaction and just needed to be alone for awhile. My emotions don't feel as overwhelming. Yay meds!

I told my therapist that, for the first time in my life, I feel as if I have healthy relationships. Even though I don't have the emotional, physical, or financial reserves I think I require in order to be a great friend, I'm also not doing things out of obligation or guilt or in an attempt to “earn” love. Even though it's hard to take care of myself, I think, ultimately, it makes me a better friend. And, obviously, these people see something in me.

I like my therapist a lot but she doesn't really push me like I wish she would. But maybe, right now, I just need a cheering section as I figure out shit on my own. I really do like her and she listens well and without judgment. Plus they don't make me pay and Medicare doesn't cover therapy so... It's something, at least!

Ahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Moving on.

The two toys I'll be reviewing have arrived! Huzzah! I'm not 100% certain how I should do so but I'll figure it out. It'll be fun to write and, hopefully, fun to read!

I did needle play at a kink party. It didn't hurt but made my tits look really pretty!

So, my friend Mel is a photographer. And she took some photos of me, including nudes. I'm hoping that it'll help me feel more comfortable with my body. I'm trying to normalize my body to myself and I think this will help. We did the first session and, holy crap, worst model EVAR! There was a lot of awkward posing, goofy smiles, and squinting at the camera. Hopefully I'll be more comfortable next time!

Desperately in need of one.

Laughable but I'm hanging in there.

Bored but doing well. Sometimes the only thing I want is to hug her.


  1. Ask for a prescription for nasal allergy spray and start taking Zyrtec in, oh, February, which is the tail end of the Southern "winter." You can stop in December. Welcome to Dixie!

  2. All good progress.....good for you!. So glad you mentioned your mama, I was wondering about her but didn't want to ask....I bet she is enjoying your adventures too.