Friday, May 21, 2010

In the course of 48 hours my health insurance was cancelled, I learned I won’t have a place to live come July, and I had to spend over $1,000 on my car.

The insurance alone nearly gave me a panic attack. Basically my premium was raised (To $401.50 a month. Fuck me.) and I didn’t know it so I sent in a money order for less. And since it wasn’t fully paid, they cancelled my coverage. I thank god I got the person I did when I called because he was kind enough to break the rules; allowing me to pay the difference over the phone and reinstating my coverage then and there. After we finished and were saying goodbye, I told him the truth. That I wouldn’t have survived without my insurance – that he saved my life.

I can no longer stay with my former teacher because her mom is moving in instead. Then I asked a very close friend of 15 years if I could stay in their empty room for a few months and pay rent. She said no. Which was more upsetting than the prospect of homelessness.

But I have a couch to stay on now. And that would be why I love Groove so much that it brings me to tears. This is going to be good for me. He supports me and pushes me and loves me and never blows smoke up my ass. He sees more in me than I could ever see in myself. He’s the first man I ever trusted fully. Possibly the only man I’ve ever trusted fully. And seeing him so rarely has left a very large hole in my soul. But now it’ll be all Groove, all the time!

So, yeah, I had to drop a grand on my car. Bye bye tax money. And bye bye the hopes I had of getting ahead. Sigh. It would have cost $1,700 except I have the extended warranty. And I’m really lucky it happened when I had the money to pay for it. At least my car won’t blow up anytime soon. High five!

I’m so sad I won’t be able to meet Poliana since I had to cancel The Great Southern Fried Adventure of 2010. But it’ll happen one day. And more adventures are to come, I’m sure.

My mom’s birthday was yesterday. Six months ago I was sure she wouldn’t see another one. The wound is finally healing. In a few months it should be fully closed and they should be able to do another biopsy to see if the cancer has spread to her kidneys, as they suspect. She has physical therapy three times a week and is doing really well. She’ll never walk again but she is getting strong enough to lift and move her legs. She’s just horrifically bored. I can’t even imagine how bored she must be. I bring her word search books but she wants something else to do with her hands. She doesn’t have the concentration to knit or crochet and doesn’t want to assemble puzzles so I’m at a loss. I think I’ll go to a craft store and just wander around to see if anything catches my eye. Any ideas?

My dad committed suicide a year ago tomorrow. Do me a favor? Do something tomorrow that makes you happy. That makes you smile. That makes you remember why life is so fucking amazing and why you haven’t given up on it. Okay? Please? And then come back here and tell me about it!

18 comments:

  1. Tomorrow is my 37th birthday! I am headed to Portland, OR. with 2 really good friends and hooking up with another friend while we are there. We are hitting Powell's for the first time and I am super excited! It's going to be a blast! :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. would your mum be into craftwork at all? like long-stitch or cross-stitch? it keeps me occupied when i'm bored and saves my sanity too. tomorrow i am going to have dinner with my dad, stepmum and baby bro and cuddle him, read him a book and kiss his cheek. i've had my heart broken twice by guys before but the pain i felt when he was over the other side of the country was a kind i have never experienced before. i hope to never experience it again because now he is back my heart is again filled with joy and so much love i'm surprised it hasn't exploded out of my chest.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hope YOU do something to celebrate your life too. It has to get better. I am a believer that fate oftens gets in the way of our lives so maybe there is a reason you didn't move in with your teacher friend. Would your mother enjoy reading or listening to books on tape?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I got your msg & I am so sad too you won't be able to stop through. I really wanted to see you and have you hang out with all my friends! I WILL GET YOU HERE! But in better weather. Anyways, you are one of the strongest people I know and just know you have ALOT of people who love you and do need you.

    Oh! Tell moms Happy B-day for me!! So I was thinking maybe crossstitching, origami, or coloring. What about mini scrap booking some of the old pictures you've posted about your family? Maybe just buy her a blank hard cover note book and put a picture on each page and have her write about it? I am just thinking out loud at work lol!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You have so much going on, Heidi - I'm glad your mom is on the mend. Anniversaries can be hard. Take good care of yourself!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I can't believe it's a year - i think of you all the time

    ReplyDelete
  7. Maybe beading/jewelery making? Or Scrapbooking?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I did something today that made me happy! I went to Sephora and got some makeup that hides all my old scars and discoloration so I can look semi-human for my best friend's wedding this August (since I'm in the wedding party). On the bus on the way home, in a light rain, we passed a goth girl dressed in all black with a spiky messenger bag, and she stopped suddenly on the sidewalk, glanced around, and then darted off to one side and furtively buried her face in a big wet lilac tree. I was so happy to see that, to see her pull her dyed-black head out of that big cloud of purple and pink, I can't even tell you. Everything is in bloom here!

    I hope everything blooms soon for you and your mom. You've been through some rough shit this past year and it's bound to be better from here. I'm sending good vibes! :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Aw, Happy Birthday to your adorable wonderful mom! And frakin' AUUUGH about your places-to-stay and insurance fiasco. Did your former teacher know that her mom was eventually going to come live with her, or was it an unexpected thing? Are you and the teacher still on good terms...and you and the close friend? That is, is this causing relationship awkwardness? I hope that somehow things sort themselves out so that life isn't so tumultuous all the time, because that is WEARING on a gal (says one who knows). Huge hugs to you sweetie.

    ReplyDelete
  10. If your mom is allowed to have plants in her room, maybe a seed starting kit would be fun for her. Not expensive and they don't take up much space.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Heidi, so sorry for the parade of crap, and especially that your new living situation didn't work out. I hope things are looking up. Take care. <3

    ReplyDelete
  12. This isn't a good thing to feel, but I feel sorry for all of this. It won't give you a cent, but I'd like to say that I wish you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thinking of you, Heidi... I hope that your recent absence here is just because of technical difficulties and/or being busy getting your life together. I really hope things are getting better for you.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Heidi, you haven't posted in a while and I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and I hope you're doing well. In fact I hope the reason you aren't posting is that you won the lottery, met the man of your dreams, and saw your mom miraculously recover. I think we would totally get your absence in that situation! Take care of yourself and remember that crazy interwebs peoples from Winnipeg are sending you well wishes ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  15. You haven't posted in awhile, Heidi. I hope everything is okay!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Heidi, I hope you're doing OK. Do come and post to let us know how you are. And just *hugs* for you.

    ReplyDelete

If you're asking a question, please include your email address in your comment so I can contact you! <3