While it doesn’t look it, I am, in fact, wearing clothes. Also, that isn't a nipple so get your minds out of the gutter!
I finally went back to the pool. It was completely empty; just me and a lifeguard. I managed 20 laps! I also was able to do my physical therapy exercises in the water with no pain. And yesterday I swam 30 laps! I'm so fucking proud of myself!
I’d been talking with this guy in Florida since my second month here. We’ve talked a lot about visiting and spending time together. But he has a bad habit of disappearing off the face of the earth for no reason. Anyway, long story short, he disappeared again and popped up again the other day. He asked how I was. I said, “Isn’t it interesting how you disappeared right after discussing our mutual, crippling, abandonment issues? Hmm. Irony.”
And then! THEN! He tried to flip that shit on me! “Well, you hadn’t responded to any of my messages so I figured why bother.” “Um. You know, if you look at our chat history, it’s very clear that I sent several messages you ignored. So I figured why bother?”
Do not fuck with someone who is a click away from viewing exactly what went down. Ugh, such a dick move. But, I must say, I was proud of myself. Because every time before I just let him back in to my life. Nope, no more. Look at me learning how to put a stop to bullshit!
Sarra: You definitely dodged a bullet. In fact, I think your time in Alabama has been a lot of Matrix-style bullet-dodging. Think about it! YOU’RE NEO!
A friend I lost is back in my life. Her ending our friendship just…it killed me. I tried to talk about it in group therapy but I couldn’t stop crying. But she’s back and has apologized profusely. And I accepted her apology. I figure, one fuck up in a 12 year relationship is pretty damn impressive. We have a good record! And we all go SuperAsshole at times.
I found paperwork from 1961 that diagnosed my dad as autistic. I wonder what autism meant back then.
Books Read in June & July
Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Allison Bechdel
Fat Kid Rules the World by KL Going
Fat: The Owner’s Manual Ragen Chastain
Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer
Two or Three Things I Know for Sure by Dorothy Allison
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
Looking for Alaska by John Green - Everyone I know who has read it LOVES it. For whatever reason I just wasn’t pulled in as so many others were. I’d give it a go if the plot summary sounds good to you.
Ender's Game 2 - Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card
Sinner Takes All: A Memoir Of Love And Porn by Tera Patrick - Ugh, so egotistical and douchey I stopped about 1/2 way through. I found the first half ehhh, semi-interesting, though it was really repetitive and inconsistent. Then her amazing and wonderful and kind and loving boyfriend started writing about how they met. They talked on the phone for three months and then he was going to fly to LA so they finally be together. He actually says that he considered not going to meet this woman he sees as phenomenal, brilliant, etc because she might be fat. And that he can fuck ugly chicks by turning off the lights and making them turn around but won’t ever fuck a fatty. Yeah, hate you both, bye.
Exile & Pride: Disability, Queerness and Liberation by Eli Clare
The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood - for the 20th time.
The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood
Movies Discovered in June & July
DMT: The Spirit Molecule
Mad Max 1-3
TV Discovered in June & July