Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Last week I started having intense pain right below my sternum that radiated through to my back.  The level of pain was absolutely crippling; I thought I was going to puke from it.  Even drugged up, I couldn’t sleep because it was so severe.  Oh my fucking god, it was so bad I thought I was stroking out.  I did some Googling and it sounds like I may have gallstones.  Which is pretty common among people who’ve had WLS.  It lasted 15 fucking hours before finally subsiding.  I saw my new GP a few days later and she’s sending me for an ultrasound but says it does sound like gallstones.  Ugh!

I've been feeling like absolute shit since moving to Colorado. Sick to my stomach, constant headaches, exhaustion worse than usual, so much pain... Turns out they're all symptoms of elevation sickness. So hopefully this shit improves as I get more acclimated. Just walking to and from my car leaves me gasping for breath for an hour. DAMN YOU COLORADO, YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME!  I asked the aforementioned doctor for an inhaler but they tested me for asthma and, since I don’t have it, I couldn’t have one.  She’s having me get an xray while I’m at the diagnostics lab.  I think it’s kinda pointless but, whatever, I’ll do as I’m told.

I really liked everyone in the office and it seems like I made a good choice in picking her.  She referred me to a pain specialist who is hot as fuck!  He was super nice and I told him I was open to him switching around my meds to see if he could come up with something that helps my pain better.  So, we shall see.  He’s also sending me to a rheumatologist and to a physical therapist with a pool.

Unfortunately, I found out that, even though weed is legal in Colorado, I'm not able to smoke it!  Legally, doctors have to piss test and if you test positive for weed, they can't give you narcotics.  God fucking damn it.  I was really hoping to see if it would help my anxiety.  I asked, um, but it's legal...?  "Well, so's alcohol and, if you drink, I'm not supposed to prescribe you narcotics either."  Yeah but they don't make you fucking test for alcohol!  Bah.

I also saw a new therapist and psychiatrist!  (Look at me being productive!)  I really like them a lot.  The clinic is very goal focused and action based and doesn’t do never-ending talk therapy.  So I totally lucked into DBT again!  Which made me so happy, excited, and relieved.  Apparently the head of the clinic is the DBT trainer for Denver.  Two of the main goals my therapist and I came up with were:

1) Work on my severe social anxiety.  I.e. actually leaving the house and meeting new people.

2) Learning to identify and express my “negative” feelings and emotions within my relationships.  It’s something I find extremely difficult, especially in romantic relationships.  “I want to be able to tell people what’s wrong instead of turning into a passive aggressive bitch!”

My psychiatrist is keeping me on my same meds since they’re working.  Though, honestly, I worry that I’m backsliding into depression again.  But that might just be situational and a result of feeling so shitty in every other aspect of life.  Sigh.  So we’ll see what happens with that.

I had a massage yesterday and it was incredible.  I desperately needed it. I was supposed to go to the chiropractor and have a new-friend-date today but I just feel so sick to my stomach (yet again) I had to cancel.

Oh!  I’m seeing Andrea Gibson perform in May!!!!!!!!!!!!!  There aren’t enough exclamation points in the world to express how fucking excited I am about that!

So, yeah, that’s the update!  There’s still a lot I need to get done but my body is just not cooperating right now.  Hopefully soon.  I’m so sick of feeling shitty.  Ugh.  But I guess it’s getting a little better, so I’m trying to focus on that.  Optimism and all that good shit!


  1. That's really interesting about the weed thing. Do you know if they test you regularly if you're on narcotics or is it just a test they do if they want to prescribe them? Like do they test each time you get refills or what? Because I can almost guarantee you that the weed will help. CBDs will absolutely help with your pain. Do you know if the piss test is for THC and CBD? CBD isn't psychoactive and won't get you high, it will just reduce your pain. My BFF has chronic pain and depends on CBDs to get her through the really, really rough patches that narcotics can't touch.

    I'm so glad you lucked out on the DBT! We don't have any programs where I live, so my BFF and I are going to do it ourselves (she's done it several times before). I hope the rest works out, too!!

  2. If you haven't yet....get your gallbladder out. They can do it laparoscopic, and you will feel SO MUCH BETTER. I did after mine got yanked, anyway. The pain isn't bad, and I was up and around in a few days.

    PS - Your new dude is super cute, and I'm so glad you're working toward happy in your new location. You deserve this.