Monday, May 19, 2014

Jab Jab Punch

I’m afraid I’m backsliding into depression and pain so I have a plan of action.  Because fuck this shit.  Fuck this sadness, fuck this self loathing, fuck this isolation.  It's trying to pull me back but I'm not going without a fight.

These are goals, not things I'm going to manage to make happen immediately but I'm going to try my hardest.

Things I Need to Do to Fight Back Against This Shit
  • Go to the gym 3x a week
    If I throw on my workout clothes in the morning, I can go to the gym right after driving my roommate to work.  And I like the gym!  It makes me feel better physically and emotionally.

  • Massage 2x a month
    If I get a 30 minute massage, I can (hopefully) afford to do it twice a month.

  • Chiropractor 1x a week
    I'm going to see the chiropractor once a week until I loosen up a bit more and then I'll move to once every other.

  • Therapy 2x a month
    I want to see my therapist weekly but that's not always possible because of her schedule so I'm aiming for every other.  Plus she's pregnant so is going to be gone for months; hopefully I'll be able to see someone else during that time.

  • Group 1x a week 
    I'm not getting a ton out of group as of late as it's switched from DBT focused to just talking and, personally, I'm not a huge fan of talk therapy.  I need homework and actions to take.  But I do have books on DBT and a whole notebook of handouts and notes from the year+ that we did focus on it.  And talking isn't all bad.

  • Be social 1x a week
    I've been hiding a lot and not being social at all.  Doing the opposite will definitely be a good thing.

  • Wasted Wednesday 2x a month
    See above.

  • Practice self care every week
    Nails, face mask, body scrub, prettifying feet...

  • Write 2x a week
    This can be public or private as both are cathartic.

I think this stuff should help a lot.  I was regressing kind of a lot the last few weeks but am doing a bit better.  Good enough that I think I can make this stuff happen.  That I can fight back against it.  That I can fight back and win.  Come at me, motherfucker, you're going down.


  1. Best of luck, Heidi! Sometimes being angry is the only thing that gets me moving in a forward direction. I wanted to suggest (and apologies if this is a repeat) but check for any local massage schools in your area. I temped at one years ago, and not only should they offer a clinic with discounted massages, but the students have to log a whole bunch of practice hours, too, which might be free to you.

  2. Having a routine is amazing. You have always been an amazing writer and very intelligent. I am glad you are keeping up with your mental pursuits and improving yourself physically.

    You have always been an amazing person Heidi.