I saw my therapist yesterday and she said she could tell I was happy. That there’s something in my eyes and the bright rosy cheeks that told her I was out of the depressive misery that’s engulfed me for over a month. That I was walking differently and had a difference, brighter tone of voice. And the giant flower in my hair just cemented it! The tweaking of my meds is working really well it seems.
I put the flower in my hair because I knew it would cheer me up and make me feel pretty. The flower in my hair, I painted my nails, I shaved, etc. It’s the little things, right?
I filmed sex for the first time. Well, second if you count a guy filming me on his phone while I gave him head. But yes. My partner filmed me going down on him, him fucking me, and the look on my face while I get fucked/come. It was so weird to see myself. But really helpful? Like…I can’t look at the videos of me giving head or of my face while being fucked from behind and think I look ugly. Because I don’t. I don’t look ugly. And, ya know, I actually think I look kinda hot in these videos. Man, talk about a difference!
I think it’s so important to normalize your body. To look at photos and videos of yourself over and over until you see yourself. Truly see. So your body is no longer alien to you. And once you discover that, you’re able to view yourself differently. You’re more able to accept the way you look because you’re no longer disassociated from your body.
I was thinking about selecting a body part and devoting a post and pictures to explore my feelings over it. Would that be something you’d be interested in reading?