Monday, September 30, 2013

A disgusting display of adorable.

Dinosaur mail is the BEST kind of mail!  Two pieces of dinosaur mail from two people I adore!

I started volunteering with a child literacy organization.  They have volunteer days every Saturday so I'm going to try to get there twice a month.  And I'm signed up for volunteer training at a domestic violence organization.

There’s a guy I like - but he lives in Vegas - who tells me I’m beautiful and sexy.  This is a text I sent.

So I had this realization on my drive home. When you tell me I'm pretty and sexy and I don't believe you/contradict you, I'm: 1) calling you a liar, 2) disrespecting your taste and world view, and 3) saying that I can't trust you to tell me the truth. Hi, I'm an asshole!

And it’s true!  It drives me insane when someone fights me on a compliment so why in hell do I do the same to others?  I have to work harder on that.

There were a few days this week when I looked into the mirror and honestly thought, “Huh, I look pretty cute today.”  THIS NEVER HAPPENS. It was awesome.  It wasn’t just words; I actually FELT it.  It wasn’t me forcing myself to say positive shit about myself.  It was just…truth.

The part I really love about Dialectic Behavior Therapy is "opposite action."    It's doing what you wouldn't normally do.    Like, George deciding to do the opposite of every instinct he has!    It's doing what scares you, what would make you feel in control and powerful and proud.    It's called "building mastery."    I think that could be the most helpful part of the entire thing.    I’ve dabbled in it but I need to push myself to focus on that more.  To do the things I desperately want to do but don’t because I’m so fucking scared.  I need to tackle this shit and beat it into the ground.

"If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right!"

Books Read in September
Clean by Alex Hughes
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Maze Runner by James Dashner

Movies Discovered in September
The World’s End
We’re the Millers
Insidious 2
Pacific Rim
Brave - Six minutes in and I was already questioning what in hell I had been thinking by not watching it sooner!
Star Trek (2009)

And then I fell down the documentary rabbit hole on Netflix…
After Porn Ends
Meet the Fokkens
Girl Model
The Great Happiness Space
Monica & David
Life 2.0
Whores’ Glory
Jiro Dreams of Sushi
Nightmares in Red, White, and Blue: The Evolution of the American Horror Film
HH Holmes: America’s First Serial Killer
The Elephant in the Living Room
With Great Power: The Stan Lee Story
The People vs George Lucas
American Scary
Hungry for Change
Human Organ Traffic
They Call it Myanmar: Lifting the Curtain
American Grindhouse
Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer
A Place at the Table
Indie Game: The Movie
The Achievers: The Story of the Lebowski Fans

God, no wonder I didn’t get much reading done.

TV Discovered in September
Orange is the New Black
Best Ink
National Geographic: Eating with Cannibals
Ducks: An Original DUCKumentary

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