After posting my first CraigsList Casual Encounters ad, I’m never ever ever again allowed to say the words, “No one wants to have sex with me.” Good, god.
The pinnacle of the surreal might have been when I dropped the previous night’s guest - who is 15 years my junior - back at his dorm in the morning. Have fun at school, young man!
Of course I also had a minor freak out because of too many replies (I sound like an asshole but I’m being honest, damn it) and I got overwhelmed and panicky. But I’m kinda proud of myself; I told the guys I had “dates” with that I needed to cancel and would reschedule at another time. It’s been nice and I’ve had some amazing sex. Like, some-of-the-best-sex-ever kind of amazing. I didn’t really expect a) any responses, b) so many responses, and c) partners who really wanted to get me off.
I was talking to my therapist about it and I realized that I’m not doing this for attention or to establish my worth. I’m doing it because it’s fun and it feels good. And I’m learning how to ask for the shit I want from a lover. Which is a huuuuuge deal for me. I totally need the practice! But, honestly, I haven’t had to ask; they’ve done quite well with no direction!
It hasn’t been all sunshine and roses. I’ve had a dude come to my place, walk inside, say he forgot something, then speed off. Which, really, is bizarre since I’m VERY insistent on showing potential partners an accurate picture of my body. Hilariously, he was fat and his photos didn’t show that at all. So, yes, I had a runner!
There’s other bullshit to deal with but, overall, I’m enjoying this experiment. I mean, there’s a guy who comes over, eats me out, fucks me with a vibrator and wants nothing in return. How am I going to complain about that!?