Thursday, July 4, 2013

To the “Haters” and the “Trolls”

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile and have concluded that, with no sarcasm, I thank you.

Thank you for helping me grow a thicker skin.  For helping me realize I don’t have to base my worth on what others see. 

Thank you for doing the thing I feared the most; for causing more and more people to see me raw and exposed with so many judging me for every bit of it.  But it didn’t kill me like I thought it would.

Thank you for making me examine myself; my flaws, my mistakes, my choices.  Thank you for causing me to examine and view myself, my blog, and my world in different ways.

Thank you for pushing me harder than I pushed myself.

Thank you for finding my blog entertaining enough to be your hate-read.  Hell, most people have them and I’m proud to be yours!

Thank you to those who kept the snark and shit talking to somewhere I don’t have to see it.  As opposed to (for example) those who chose to email me to tell me my father killed himself because of how worthless I am.

Thank you for calling me on my shit.

Thank you for giving me something to compare everything else to. Dude, the internet hates me - fuck fear!  I was naked online - fuck turning the lights off during sex! I survived SA, motherfucker, what have YOU done?!  Thank you for making me less afraid of the rest of the world.  

Thank you for unintentionally sending over people who are kind and supportive.

Thank you for teaching me that I really can’t please everyone.  That no matter who I try to satisfy, others are going to disagree.  All I can do is be who I am and allow others to decide who and what they see. No matter what I say, someone somewhere won’t like it. And that's okay.

Thank you for helping me get beyond my need to be liked.  Some people hate me and I’m not capable of changing that.  I just have to accept it and move on.  And that’s a huge realization for a people-pleaser.  I used to believe that I existed only because others saw me.  I used to believe that people liking me made me real, made me worth…well, worth ANYthing, really.  But you taught me that wasn’t true.  That the world wouldn’t  end, even if people hated me.

Thank you for being a part of the catalyst that has taken me to where I am.  And where I am is a good place.

Thank you.

2 comments:

  1. And THANK YOU for your continued resolve to get better and better, to share your pain and your joy, your fears and your accomplishments. You are a beautiful woman inside and out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear haters and trolls,
    Thank you for what you have done for Heidi. I feel sorry for you because you will never know her as I do and won't get to see how fucking awesome she is.

    Now, eat a bag of dicks and die in a fire, every one of you fucktards.

    Sincerely,
    Me

    ReplyDelete

If you're asking a question, please include your email address in your comment so I can contact you! <3