Lost Time

Someone compared my hair to Froot Loops and it made my day.

Because of the massive amounts of time I spend on them, I’m on a week-long internet hiatus; no facebook, no twitter, no tumblr, no reading blogs.    I’m hoping that by not reading the words of others, maybe I’ll start writing my own.  I gave my log in information to Keila and had her change all my passwords.  (Dude, I suck at self control, as we’ve all seen numerous times.)  It’s really weird not having somewhere to put the little bits of funny or interesting I occasionally have.  And tv/movie quotes from whatever I’m currently watching.  This morning I decided to extend it another week.  I realized how much time I waste on all of those sites and that I’ve been looking for other ways ONLINE to fill that sudden influx of time.  Then BOOM it hit me…  Um, fuck trying to find more websites to fill that time with, I need to go do things. 

As part of my nefarious plot to be more social, I attended Wasted Wednesday.  I made the decision to stop drinking those 32oz well drinks because I started to completely black out and lose 95%  of the night.  It’s really self destructive and I need to remember that.  I mean, I have two welI drinks in a month so, really, that itself isn’t the issue.  It was way more manageable before but I was put on a new mood stabilizer a few months back and they made the blackouts even worse the one or two times I went to the bar.  Then my dosage doubled last month and the one time I went to the bar…it ain’t pretty.

Part of it’s that I feel the need to be drunk in order to handle large groups of people I don't know.  That I feel the need to be drunk in order to forget that I’m not especially interesting.  I wasn’t really conscious of that and didn’t do it deliberately.  But why did I keep doing it over and over again?  I guess I was conscious of it, to a degree.  Plus, due to how incredibly heavy handed the bartender is, one 32oz well drink and I’m hardcore drunk…which never leads to good decision making about whether I should get another.  I fucked up, time to get back in line.  I mean, what’s the point of having good times if I don’t remember them?

So, yes, WW is now Coke or water or, at max, two beers.  Beer doesn’t have the same impact on me that liquor does so I could drink more than two with zero problem but I’m staying behind that line.  Way behind.  Anyway!  Yes, I went to WW, had a Coke (which he didn’t charge me for), played a raucous game of Cards Against Humanity, and left early to get the roommate back home.  It was a short night but I had fun!  And I remember it!  And, most importantly, I now know I can go to a bar and be surrounded by people, not drink, and still have a really good time.

I received an epidural in my lower back.  It lasted a good 10 days or so before the pain was noticeably increasing.  But 10 days without lower back pain is pretty damn amazing!  Insurance will only cover it 4x a year but, hey, that's 40 pain free days all together!  I also decided to put myself out there and asked a friend - who has done unbelievably good things to my back through massage - if he could come do that again if I cover his gas and buy him lunch.  He said he'd definitely come up to help me.  So, fingers crossed, that will probably be happening this week.

Cat in a box!