I met with my therapist today and explained to her the realization I had. In the past, all of my therapists have had me while I was in survival mode. I've never dealt with my parents or my childhood or my shitty relationships or my fucked up view of myself. And that's what I want to do. So we're going to work on that. She suggested that I start attending their DBT group. Even though it's for people with borderline personality disorder, she feels I could get a lot out of it.
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a system of therapy originally developed by Marsha M. Linehan, a psychology researcher at the University of Washington, to treat people with borderline personality disorder (BPD). DBT combines standard cognitive-behavioral techniques for emotion regulation and reality-testing with concepts of distress tolerance, acceptance, and mindful awareness largely derived from Buddhist meditative practice. … Research indicates that DBT also effective in treating patients who present varied symptoms and behaviors associated with spectrum mood disorders, including self-injury. Recent work suggests its effectiveness with sexual abuse survivors and chemical dependency.
My therapist and I will be meeting weekly again and I start DBT at the end of the month. I'm scared. New people. New things. But I'm going to go. I want to change. I don't want to depend on others for my self worth of happiness anymore. I want to live a life that makes me proud and fulfilled. I want to live a life that matters.