My friend summed things up really well for me:
I was catching up on some of your recent blog entries. I think your plan to start working on some deeper issues is a good one. This is just my observation, but it just seems like you've been pushed from crisis to crisis this past couple of years. And now that you're in a more secure position, in some respects, you can really work on some of the deeper stuff.
In 2007 i think it was, you had the WLS. Then quite soon after that you had the gigantic move of doom. You finally deal with all that crap and the hoarding issues and your crazy parents...then you lose your job. Then your father's suicide, then your mum got really bad, then finances imploding. You just have not caught a break in the last four fucking years. You were, and i think you still are, in survival mode.
Stability is something you never had as a child so it's something you crave now.
I think I’ve spent so long finding growth and strength as a result of pain and misery that I’ve forgotten that love and joy and ecstasy can be forms of empowerment. Maybe even more so than the sadness I’ve defined myself by.