Saturday, September 10, 2011


She's been lying to the nurses and doctors. Telling them she was fine and didn't need pain killers. Refusing everything, including Tylenol. I found out when I talked to her social worker.

“Why? Why are you doing this? Why are you lying to them? Mama, please. Please, I can't handle seeing you in pain.”

She whispers, “I don't want to be controlled by the drugs. I don't want to need them. I don't want to depend on them.”

Oh my god, what is she doing to herself?

“What would you do if I were in the kind of pain you're in? Would you tell me to suck it up? No, you'd shove those drugs down my fucking throat. Yesterday you were hurting so badly you wanted to die. Please, mommy, this doesn't make you weak. Please, please, let them help you. You know the end is coming don't have to hurt the entire time. Please, mama. You don't deserve this pain. Tell me what to do, mama. What do you want?”


“Mommy. Please.”


“You want pain medication?”

“Yes. Please. I can't handle this. It hurts too much.”

So I ran to grab a nurse and told her that she needed pain medication immediately. That she'd been lying about not being in pain. They were as confused and shocked as I was. I told her main nurses what had been happening.

One shook her head sadly, “She was moaning and crying this morning and I asked her if she wanted something for the pain and she said no, she didn't want anything.”

I made her promise that she wouldn't lie anymore. I made her promise that she'd tell them when she was hurting. I made her promise that, if they weren't giving her enough, she'd demand more. I made her swear.

They gave her Percocet and she fell asleep quickly. She slept silently. For the first time in days she wasn't moaning and crying out from the pain.

When I left, I told the nurses that if she claimed to not be in pain or to not want medication, to remind her that she swore to me she'd tell them the truth.

I hope this helps. I hope this makes it easier on her. I just want her pain to end.


  1. You're such a good daughter, Heidi.

  2. She might have thought refusing meds would make her pass quicker. My mother was given enough morphine that she fell into a coma and passed in about 24 hours. Ask the nurses/doctor if they can do that....I'm so sorry you have to go through this but it is part of the process unfortunately.

  3. I recently lost my Dad to a long illness. Heidi I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I feel for you and although I don't know you, I pray for you and for your Mom. You're in my thoughts.

  4. GOOD! Yay, Heidi. That was an excellent intervention; good instincts, good kindness, good message...I'm so happy you got your mom some peace and relief. Tons o' hugs.

  5. Heidi, I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer this past August. I was at his beside, holding his hand and whispering words of love as he passed. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life but it wasn't for me - it was for him. You're doing the right things and you'll back at this time and be so thankful you were able to be there for your mom. Cherish this time with her :) Please know my heart is with you....