Thursday, August 18, 2011

In Which I Ask for Help

My Mama doesn't have much time left.

And I'd love it if you would send her cards to cheer her up and let her know people care about her!

But...I want to see her.

I wasn't going to do this. Because you all have helped me in so many ways. Several people suggested this and I pulled back, saying, “No, god no...they've given me so much. So much more than I could ever deserve. I can't ask for more...I just can't.” But I'm going to because I want to see my mommy.

Please don't feel obligated in any way.

Amtrak to California and back: $330
Car rental for a week: $160
Gas & food: $150

Total: $640

Motel for a week: $275

Total: $915

If I'm unable to find a couch to crash on and can't come up with enough for the motel, I will sleep in my rental car with no issue. And if I don't receive enough to make the trip actually happen, I'll give it all back. If you're willing to help and need/want something in return, name it. I don't have much and I don't know what I could do for you but, if it's possible, I'll make it happen.

And I know doing this will result in a flood of hate. Calling me selfish and awful and manipulative. But I want to see my mama. I want to hold her hand and take a million pictures of her and watch Perry Mason with her. I want to brush her hair and sneak in her favorite chocolates from See's Candy. I want to do silly unimportant things with her. I want to kiss her cheek and tell her I love her. Just one more time.

So, just fucking hate me if you want, okay? Because I made a PayPal link. And you don't have to click it or even consider clicking it. But it's here. In case you can. In case you want to.

Paypal: The Mama Fund

Thank you. So much. Thank you for following me, for asking about her, for caring about her health and well-being, for supporting me emotionally, and for all the kind emails I receive that tell me my silly little blog makes a difference.

And my Mama thanks you too. She doesn't really understand the internet or blogs or how all these people know me. But when I cry with appreciation over an email I received or when I'm able to get my psychiatric meds because someone sent me $10 she says, “There really are good people out there.” Her voice surprised but grateful.  And I don't know that she believed that before.  You haven't only given me hope, you've given it to her as well.  And that's something I will never be able to thank you enough for.


  1. My finances are fucked this I don't see how sending you $25 will make them any worse. *hug*

  2. Can you send me your address in an e-mail so I can mail you a check? I would love to help you reach your mother and be able to say good bye!


  3. Where does she live? Let us know the city, and maybe someone close can offer a couch, and even a car.

  4. Done and done. I really hope you get where you're going!

  5. It does not matter the kind of person you are, the mistakes you have or have not made in your life. I may not agree with the way you live your life, but I cannot judge you because I believe that if I placed myself in a fishbowl the way you have with this unbelievably honest blog that you would not agree with many of my choices either. Everyone deserves as many chances, breaks, and whatever they can get in life because no one is perfect.

    I have made a donation of $10 to you...I wish I could donate the whole amount.

  6. Oh honey, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom! I've been lurking for years, and I'm been so moved by your courage and grace in terrible horrible situations, including this one. Of course it's not selfish to want to see your mom one more time and to love her in person!

    I have a few comments on logistics. Please take the below in the spirit of helping to make the trip as cheap as possible, to make sure you can make it out there, rather than any kind of mean-spirited nonsense.

    Amtrak - They do have a US rail pass for 15 days/8 "segments" (by which I think they mean trips) for $389. Depending on your itinerary, this may be cheaper than a straight roundtrip ticket.

    Rental car: now until October 12, Hertz is having a promotion on their website where you can rent a subcompact car for $5/day, as long as you drop the car off in Arizona. You can pick it up anywhere. Maybe you could pick the car up in California, visit with your mom, drive to AZ, drop the car off and hop back on Amtrak in Yuma, AZ? It'd make your rental car cost only $56 for 10 days, though it would add on a bit more to the gas costs.

    Again, I'm so sorry your mom's cancer has spread, and good luck getting out there to see her! I'll send you what I can via paypal.

  7. I bet you'll get the money you need, sooner than you think.

  8. Oh, yes. You must go to your mama. Pleasantest money I've spent in a long time. :)

  9. You are not being selfish. I have never given money on any type of blog/thing/whatever, but this is such an important thing for you. Right now you don't need to worry about who thinks what about your actions - you need to think about you and your mom and how to best be there for her and comfort her. All the best to you and your family. You are an inspiration to many and I am glad to help. Sorry to be anonymous. I've been reading for years. I will send happy thoughts to you both.

  10. Hi, I would love to help but don't have a paypal account, is there another way I could help you?

  11. although i can't contribute i really hope you get the cash. if i had a job i would put some money in because it's so important what you're trying to do. i just spent the evening watching the new ep of Damages with my own mama. i want you to be able to spend time with yours while you can.

    my aunt sent me this link, and whilst there isn't anything that can make your situation better, i thought a good monkey picture might momentarily make you smile