Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I purchased the train tickets and reserved a rental car. I'm leaving the 7th. I'd go sooner but I need to wait for my check to come. I'm so scared I won't make it in time. That's all I'm hoping for – that I can see her and hug her first. That and that she's not in pain.

I'm trying to keep calm; to keep my brain from imploding on itself. I'm making lists. Of things to pack, things to do, people to visit. Keep focused, find things to do. Thinking about anything else. But then I worry that if I blog about other things you'll think I'm not thinking about my mom. Stupid brain.

Speaking of my stupid brain... A few weeks ago my social anxiety disorder got re-diagnosed to full-blown social phobia. Which makes sense, I suppose. My anxiety all, pretty much, revolves around people and social situations. And it has since I was a child. I try so hard to push beyond it. But I fail a lot. I tried to be social last night and it was a mistake. Too many people all at once and I just wanted out.

People ask, so I wrote down my pill schedule. Because I think it's important to erase the stigma of mental illness. And physical illness too, for that matter.

Gummy Multi-Vitamins – 2
Iron – 2
Super B-Complex – 2
Cymbalta (anti-depressant) – 60mg
Busiprone (anti-anxiety) – 5 mg
Neurontin (nerve blocker for pain management) – 300mg

Busiprone (anti-anxiety) – 5 mg
Neurontin (nerve blocker for pain management) – 300mg

Neurontin (nerve blocker for pain management) – 300mg
Geodon (mood stabilizer) – 80mg
Cogentin (stops the muscle spasms/pain caused by the Geodon) – 1mg
Klonopin (insomnia) – 1mg

Oh and I take Zyrtec (for the allergies I've acquired since moving here) but only every two or three days because it's pricey. I need to add back in quite a few vitamins when I can afford it. Calcium, Vitamin D, etc. But this is my current pill list. It seems to be working well. The insomnia is still really shitty but that could be situational. And the pain is crippling at times. I've been neglecting myself. But I take my pills and tell myself that, for now, that's enough.


  1. on a lj comm someone once posted a pic of their pill bottle collection and everyone ended posting their stash. it was nice to see everyone has different ways of keeping them and that everyone had a ton of different medications and everyone felt like the others because we had that in common

    i sent you a fb message about school but no rush <3 focus on things with you mom. are you still going to be getting her address so people can send her a card or letter? i would love to send one and maybe some puzzle books since i remember you mention she loves them! does she like a particular type? lots of love coming from over this side of the world for both of you

  2. Remember to give yourself praise for all the things you HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DO. You have accomplished so much since you moved.....lots to be proud of. I know your mother is so proud of you. Hang in there.

  3. Teehee, you have cute little fat fingers :)

  4. Do you have access to Costco? My allergist recommended that I take Allertec, which is the Costco generic to Zyrtec. He said it costs less and lasts longer, and I've been quite happy with it. AND you get 365 pills (take one a day) for around $18. Yes, a years supply for $18 and it works better for me.

    Sending supportive thoughts your way. *hugs*

  5. Hey, you should try to take your multivitamins BETWEEN your meds . . . not with them. Everything will work better!

  6. snap! I have social phobia and I take cymbalta.

    i need to investigate if we have those gummie vitamins in Australia, cos i take a multivite too. and i would rather have it as a lolly than a tablet!