The day I found out, Amanda shoved alcohol and food in my face and held me every single time I broke down sobbing. She wrapped her arms around me and told me it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could have done to stop it. That I was a good daughter, a good person. The next day I was numb; completely worn out from crying as long and hard as I had the night before. And I've been fairly numb/in disbelief since. I can't say I mind. I know how hard it will be in the future so I'll take feeling nothing for as long as possible.
Between you amazing people and a local group here that's fundraising for me...I have enough to go back to Los Angeles and spend a week or so with my mommy. I need to figure out the train and car rental stuff but I'm aiming to leave around September 7th or so.
I'm downloading Murder, She Wrote and Perry Mason episodes for us to watch on my laptop. I'll bring her crossword puzzles and butterscotch squares from See's Candy. And at night I'll see my friends. And meet a few new ones I know only online. People I was too scared and anxious to meet before I left. The fear of meeting them isn't so strong now. And I suddenly want to connect with people so badly; being reminded so sharply about how fleeting it all is.