Tuesday, May 31, 2011

This is my first summer living in the south. I want to channel Ms. Taylor and lounge around in slips while drinking alcoholic beverages. She will be my goal. My aspiration. My muse.

I've been in major nesting mode lately. I finally, for the first time in my life, feel like I have a home. And I want to decorate and clean it. My Natalie Perkins print is finally up!

It's a bit high for my liking (realized after the fact) but the walls in this place are rock hard and just getting the tacks in this time around was work. I'll probably lower it at some point. I have more ideas for decorating my room so I'll keep you updated with what I manage to pull off!

Today I got a package from my beloved Tia.

That's Victoria Secret's Pretty in Pink set. I was worried that it would be cloying and sickly sweet because I don't really do flowery or fruity but, oh my god. Swooooon! It's sweet but not overwhelmingly so. I'm in love with it; I can't stop sniffing myself! And that's only happened with two other scents ever. I was talking to Sonya about how I wanted perfume as I used the last of it before I moved and missed smelling pretty. Tia to the rescue!

Apparently part of my nesting is the desire to cook. This morning I cooked some pasta and topped it with some jarred garlic marinara sauce. Then added in raw baby spinach, canned tuna, shredded parmesan, and garlic salt.

Yum! And pasta majorly fills me up so I'm set with food for the day! My food goal for next week is this Couscous Feta Salad. I'm thinking of adding baked tofu to it as well.

My new medications are going really well. Dude. I managed to have a 20-minute orgasm. With no toys. Two days in a row! That's never happened before. I've only been off my old meds for a short time and my sex drive and ability to orgasm (clearly!) are back in full force. Oh, thank god. I still haven't received my pain killers. Walmart is having trouble getting them. Hopefully this Friday.

To answer a question left (more than once): My psychiatrist put me on disability for my mental health issues. I have been on federal disability for nearly two years now. This allows me to get by and also gives me (as of February) the ability to see doctors and receive help for my myriad physical and emotional issues. As of April, I'm on a prescription medication program (through my disability) that actually allows me to afford all of my psychiatric drugs, my nerve blocker, my pain killers... Before February I was skipping doses, begging for samples from previous (and now out-of-state) doctors, and just not filling prescriptions at all.

I finally am starting to feel emotionally and physically able to get my life together – which includes employment. I'm working to figure out a way to go back to work. This means finding a job that I can emotionally and physically deal with and that offers medical insurance. Both of these are integral to me being able to function. I cannot survive without medical and psychiatric help and medication.

I understand people's points but telling someone to just “get a job” isn't really helpful.


  1. You might try rubber cement or whatever the current goop is to put things on walls and be able to remove them without leaving any marks or damage. I'm so glad you are feeling better. Just having the idea that you can look for work is a major step in the right direction. Good luck and hope you find that perfect Liz Taylor slip to wear too.

  2. get a job could be a more long term goal. actually, you're doing great at the short term and medium term goals. getting a job, going back to school, etc. can be called more long term goals. i hope you're proud of yourself for all the work that you've been doing in the past months. not only are you doing it, you're doing it on your own. congrats!

  3. Hi Heidi, you'll want to check in with your state's vocational rehabilitative service program. In Alabama, it's http://www.rehab.state.al.us/Home/default.aspx?url=/Home/Main. They will help you navigate returning to employment, and help you and potential employers address how your disabilities might affect employment for you. Having a job doesn't necessarily mean you have to 'give up' being on disability -- they will help you determine what type and level of employment might be best for you. There's probably a pretty lengthy process to begin services, fyi.

    I work as a job coach for people with disabilities in another state. It's a blast!

  4. So happy to see you doing well :) How is your mom?