Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I donated platelets again. My vein was being a brat so it took 2½ hours this time around. But hat just meant I got to watch more of The First 48 and Bizarre Foods! I'm scheduled to go back in two weeks!

After trying to get in for six months and spending 3.5 hours in the waiting room of the mental health clinic, I met my new psychiatrist today.

The second question he asked me was, “Do you have diabetes?”


“Not yet.”


“You will get diabetes. You know that, right?”

And I was scared to stand up for myself. I needed the prescriptions he was going to provide; I've been going months without medications that I can't survive without. And I didn't want to be branded a troublemaker or be sent away. Not logical fears but, in the moment, all I could think was, tell him what he wants to hear and get what you need...it's worth it.

So I told him I was seeing a nutritionist and a physical therapist. I told him I'd struggled with eating disorders for 20 years. I told him I was working to become healthy and to take care of myself. Finally, I told him I'd lost 200 pounds.

He replied, “Well...at least you're further from it than you were.”

I walked out with prescriptions and samples for new drugs. Drugs that sound as if they'll help me more than the ones I took previously. And part of me wants to overlook what he said to me. Part of me thinks I should continue seeing him because he appears knowledgeable in terms of psychiatry. But I can't. Because for the first time in nearly a decade, I left a mental health practitioners office feeling worse than when I walked in.

I talked to my therapist. He does this to anyone even slightly heavy. There are clients who refuse to see him because of it. I'm going to continue seeing him – because I have to – but as soon as it's possible, I'm switching over to the other psychiatrist there. She's actually who my therapist wanted me to see but her schedule was even more slammed than the doctor I got to see.

Also, they weighed me before I saw him. Is that weird? I've never heard of that happening when seeing a psychiatrist.

The positive! I'm now taking Cymbalta for my depression and anxiety. It's also supposed to help with fibromyalgia. And Geodon, a mood stabilizer/anti-psychotic. Hopefully my anxiety will be calmed down and the sexual dysfunction will be erased. I'm also hoping my brain won't feel so foggy and unfocused. He also prescribed me Ambien, which stopped working for me ages ago. Since I haven't had it for a few months we're going to see if it starts helping again. Fingers crossed.

Thanks so much for all your suggestions for what I should update about! If nothing else I now know that MORE PICTURES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD POST MORE PICTURES! is a surefire winner!

For quite awhile now I've wanted to host giveaways on here. Which would have been easier before I got rid of 95% of my possessions. But! Perhaps you'd like to participate! I know so many of you are crafty and talented as all hell so I thought I'd ask... In exchange for massive linkage, would anyone be interested in offering up something for a contest!? I'd love to make this a regular thing because, frankly, contests are fun. If it's something you'd be interested in, shoot me an email!

Simple Goals for June
* Buy new glasses – WalMart exam + Zenni Optical frames and lenses = glasses for under $75. I know a lot of people who have ordered from them so I have no qualms about the quality because, seriously, my eyesight is so fucked that I'm used to paying a fortune. I'm a bit worried about the fit, though. Because I have the fattest head on Earth. But if I figure out measurements based on my current pair, I think it'll be fine.

* Wear a dress in public – I haven't done this since my senior prom...15 years ago. Yikes, I shouldn't have calculated that! And I'll do it without tights. Deep breath.

* Donate platelets twice – This shouldn't be an issue unless I get denied for low iron (which almost happened the first time) or my vein doesn't cooperate.

* Swim – Yay! Whether it's naked at kinky camp or in shorts and a tee at my friend's, there will be swimming!

* Read a book – The aforementioned lack of focus has been making this difficult for the last year+.

* Clean the inside of my car – I need to empty that sucker out completely, vacuum, dust, and wipe down the insides of the windows. The outside is a whatever thing since I park under a tree and it's pretty unlikely to really stay clean.

* Blog more!!


  1. When you get ready to tackle the car, let me know. The car-wash place by Wal-mart is $5 for unlimited washing and vacuuming. Mine could stand it as well; we'll have a car-cleaning party!

  2. I know that our nurse practitioners and psychiatrists weigh our clients in our office before they see them. Also take their blood pressure.

  3. That shit with your doctor is so fucked up. SO fucked up.

    I wish you had the option of storming out, but I understand you couldn't. And that is fucked up as well. I ate our healthcare system.

  4. Oh oh oh, I just started Cymbalta as well! Switched from Effexor because it was causing high blood pressure, and we're hoping the Cymbalta will help with my pain as well as my depression. I don't have fibro, I just have unexplained muscle pain. It's great fun.

    My doc says the pain is in my head, but that doesn't make it any easier to fall asleep at night when my legs feel like I just ran two marathons and my wrists feel like my tendons are on fire...

  5. Also, fuck that psychiatrist. Right in the ass. It might dislodge the fat-hating stick a bit...

  6. The weighing thing could be for dosage needs, but still funky. And what a jackass! I am sick of people assuming fat = diabetes. It's just not that simple, people! Ugh! Stick it out until you can switch. It sounds like you know what is best for you and are pretty good about getting it (when possible, I realize). Walmart here has a deal for glasses 2 for $48 or something. Sears and JC Penny always have deals, too! I like zenni optical and goggles4you.com has killer deals when you get their emails (I buy from them more than zenni, actually). Can't wait for pics and more stories and just general Heidi-ness! <3

  7. Pictures! Its been ages since you posted pictures. Well, not that long but still. I want some of where you live, the stuff you see every day. That would be really cool

  8. 1st thing - that dr. is a douche. One of the greatest pleasures I have found in life is watching some self-righteous asshole read the medical report that says that this fat chick has good sugar levels, good triglycerides, good cholesterol, etc. Their eyes kind of bug out like a cartoon. I just wish they would stop all the assumptions and treat their patients right. I totally get why you had to put up with it, but that doesn't make it right. Karma's a bitch. Maybe he'll be reincarnated as a fat chick that needs help and won't get it based on looks. Or something.

    2nd - if you wear single vision lenses, once you get your prescription updated you can go to coastalcontacts.com and watch for their sales. Every month or so they give away thousands of pairs of glasses for only the S&H. I got me a back up pair for $17 shipped to me. The catch is that you can only do it once per family per lifetime, but there are a ton of frames to choose from and they have all of the sizes listed. Both of my sons and several coworkers have all gotten glasses through these giveaways and the most I heard of anyone spending was around $50. That included extra-thin lenses (instead of coke-bottles), scratch coating, UV coating, and I believe tinting as well as something else.

    No, I am not affiliated with them in any way, but I like to spread the word when I find a great deal. :)

    Also, keep up the entries. I've been following you for a long time and I feel like I know you (but not in a creepy way, I promise). Hope the new meds help!

  9. it could be for dosage needs as notblueatall said but it could also be to monitor weight gain/loss while on the medication.

    also, that doctor's attitude was so fucked up. i'm sorry you had to deal with that. it's always a balance to decide what kind of shit you should put up with in order to help your mental/physical health in the long run.

    much love, heidikins. ♥