Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Exposure

My current favorite meal:
Wasa Rye cracker
A smear of guacamole (it was sliced avocado but the ones in the store are disgusting now)
Copious amounts of sriracha sauce
Handful of baby spinach
Slices of cucumber or tomato
One slice of turkey or ham folded in half
Half a slice of sharp cheddar cheese

Times this by two and I'm hella happy. I go through food phases and am eating this a couple of times a day. And have been for a few weeks now.

I'm completely in love with The Fat Nutritionist. Having someone champion normal, sane eating for you on an individual and specific level is an amazing feeling and gift. She corrects all the crazy fat-loathing misinformation that fills my brain and tries to dictate my decisions. That my body is physically incapable of subsisting on the 1,200 calories we're all taught to aim for. That I've been sick for many years and it's expected that I'll be weak and breathless and scared in physical therapy. That's it's normal for shitty thoughts to pop up and it's awesome to silence them with reality, knowledge, and confidence.

I'm seeing, very quickly, the way my body reacts to foods. It's an amazing thing...paying attention to your body and actually being able to hear what it's telling you. I'm not there yet but eventually!

I saw the physical therapist for the first time yesterday.

So!

It turns out that my right leg is ½” longer than my left. And, in the world of legs, ½” is really significant. When I stand or walk, everything on my lower right half gets smashed up into my pelvis, causing me more pain. The smashing also contracts the nerves, causing even more pain. So that, in addition to the fibromyalgia, back injury, bone spurs, arthritis...I'm a goddamn mess!

I need to get an insole for my left foot and our exercises are going to focus on opening up my lumbar/hips, which he says are incredibly tight and stiff. We did some stretching exercises and I'm supposed to do them twice a day. He's really nice and explains things really well. I'm, weirdly, looking forward to continuing with him.

I'm spending the weekend with a kink group up in the mountains. That sounds dirtier than it is. It's a campground and they're hosting a luau. Pool time! And BBQ! And fire spinners!! But mostly? POOL TIME! I ordered some swim trunks but they haven't arrived yet. So I might need to go nekkid. Which is encouraged there but, whine, I'm shyyyyyy. But I'm pushing my limits, right? Right. I'm even planning to wear a tank top at some point there. Which I haven't done in, like, 25 years?

Giant fat arms of whiteness ENGAGE!

5 comments:

  1. one thing you should know is that medicare pays for foot doctors and will provide you one pair of corrective shoes a year. these are REALLY good shoes, though not particularly attractive. i have a pair i love that look like mary janes, so i wear cool socks with them. think about that to go with your phyliscal therapy...it might do some good!

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  2. You are sounding positive again!. I think we all would feel much better if we listened to our body and ate what we really are wanting. Getting off junk food isn't easy but once I do; I find my taste for better food comes naturally. Hope you have fun at the group...maybe you can find some old sweats or jeans that you could cut off for trunks...

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  3. Glad you're feeling positive and getting out and about. Last time I read this journal you were stuck in an apartment, I dont think you left the house...big difference

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  4. Or.... Be Free and collect Vitamin D arms that have not seen the light of day in 25 years!

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  5. Hooray for big fat arms of whiteness (all I've ever known, myself)! I am so glad that the physical therapy worked out well. It sounds like there a bit of work in it ahead, but totally worth every ounce of effort if it will help you feel better. =0)
    *Hugs* Have fun!

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