Monday, February 7, 2011

So the two massages I've been given thus far? Have completely changed things. My limp has improved, my constant agony has lessened, and I don't feel anywhere near as much pain in my back or legs. God, it's amazing. And I'm hoping that continuing to receive them on a weekly basis will only make things better.

I'm going to try to start walking now that each step doesn't hurt me from feet to shoulders. And maybe work on doing some stretches so my muscles loosen up even more.

Still not able to afford the pain management doctor. It sucks because no other doctors here will give me pain medication. I haven't had more than a few pills since November. Oh, Vicodin, I miss you. Drugs aside, I really want to find out about nerve blockers and epidurals at the pain clinic. Ah well, one day!

Mental Health
I'm seeing a psychiatrist at the Department of Mental Health on Wednesday. I'm going to apply for prescription programs that would give me three to 12 months of free medication if I qualify. Three of my drug companies offer them so, fingers crossed.

Oh, lord.

I'm so tired of $0.98 frozen meals and Ramen. I'm craving fresh vegetables and fruit so badly. And shrimp. I put in my application in for food stamps and have an interview tomorrow. I don't know that I'll qualify but, damn, I hope I do.

So, as most of us American folks do, I was depending on my tax return to get ahead on bills and get shit in order. I figured I was golden since, in 2010, I had several thousands of dollars in medical deductions as well as $10,000+ in in-kind charitable deductions. I talked to my accountant only to find out that, since disability isn't taxed and, therefore, I put nothing in...I'm getting nothing back. Which makes sense but it just didn't click with me until she explained it. That's really fucked me up financially. On the plus side, I don't even have to file! Silver lining, I suppose.

I tell myself that my life didn't implode overnight and it won't be fixed overnight either. And that's okay. I don't always believe it though.

Social Life
Nothing much happening lately. But!!! I see Doug Fucking Stanhope on the 19th!! Holy god, I'm so excited! I have to make sure I have money for gas since it's a couple of hours away. So so so excited.

The sex workshop is going so damn well. I'm really loving it and getting a lot out of it. I'm going to do some writing on sex and kink and hook ups and whatnot that I'll post here. It's on the never-ending To Do list.

The Dirrrrty South
God. I'm happy here. Like, really happy. And I didn't expect that. When I moved here I figured, well, it's cheap...I'll put up with whatever and make the best of it. But, crazily enough, I'm fucking happy. When I talk to friends back home, they tell me I sound happier than I have in years. And I feel happier than I have in years. There's no question in my mind – moving cross-country was the best decision I've ever made. No one could be more shocked about that than I am! Who knew that Alabama, of all places, would save me?


  1. Just wondered - did you do the sessions with the Fat Nutritionist in the end? It sounded really interesting.

    Glad stuff is (mostly) going well.


  2. I am so glad you are happy Heidi. <3<3

  3. File your taxes even if you don't have to. Having unbroken records keeps the IRS from complaining, plus some states have low income credits (usually very small) that you can take even with no earned income (Georgia does, I'm not sure about Alabama).

    I work as a tax preparer at this time of year, and there's no grief like that of people who - literally or just mentally - spend their refund before they get it, then discover they're not going to get it. I've had freakouts, crying fits, everything. Bird in your hand, etc - just, don't do it, never rely on a refund that you haven't done the math on.

  4. Heidi, have you considered buying pain meds online? There's a lot of dodgy stuff out there, but I've ordered birth control and other meds from for years with no problems (just make sure you notify your bank first, it's an international transaction). I don't think they have vicodin or any pain med with heavy street demand, but they do carry pain meds and they might have something you could get relief with.

  5. Angel Food Ministries in Auburn:

    You pay a set low amount for approx 1 week of food - in advance - then return in a few weeks for pick up. No applications, and no limits if you want to get more than one order. There are always extras that can be ordered as well.

    It won't be long before local produce will be available and you can shop farmer stands.

    Since you now collect disability, you may have some luck with Vocational Rehab facility where they help you find employment suitable for you.

  6. The last paragraph about how happy you are that you moved is the best news of all! Hope life continues to move forward and the massages really make a big difference for you.