Saturday, December 4, 2010

Catch Up

Okay, I'm back! Did you miss me!? We didn't have internet for quite awhile there.

I was talking to a new friend about wanting to learn to knit for a million years and, by coincidence, she might be returning to a knitting group starting in January. She's going to keep me posted. Apparently it's all little old ladies! Awesome. I really just want to learn enough to make blankets that I can donate. If I can learn to make squares and then how to link them together...I'll be golden.

I've put it on my calendar to start planning/shopping for next Christmas in June! If I start early maybe I'll have time to get a good amount of decorations purchased by December. I mean, hell, lights at least. Because they're pretty and seeing them makes me happy. I totally have to go on a drive one night to find the tacky houses. Every town has some! And it's my duty to locate and appreciate them thoroughly.

I now have a Christian station on my car radio's presets. I don't even know who I am anymore! In my defense, though, the CD player is jammed and I'm pretty low on options out here. It took awhile for me to realize what was up. I was suspicious and then when I finally heard, “Jesus” I was like, I KNEW IT!!! Those Christian rockers are sneaky!

I went to the University medical clinic. The staff is so kind and friendly and the Nurse Practitioner I saw was amazing. Incredibly considerate, thorough, respectful, and helpful. Unfortunately, because it's a school clinic, they're super on edge about prescribing any sort of recreational-type drug. Meaning I was lucky to get a quarter of the usual number of Vicodin I get prescribed. Which leaves me pretty fucked, but, hey... At least they were willing to write me prescriptions for my psych meds. The clinic has a massage therapist at $65 an hour. Which is pretty cool. And something I desperately need to work into my budget somehow. When I went to check out I was surprised by their offer to let me make payments. So I have until February to pay off the remainder of the $120 visit. Apparently visits get less expensive once you're an established patient. God willing.

I don't know what to do about the Vicodin. Ugh.

I've regained about 75 to 80 pounds since my dad's suicide. Which isn't really a surprise as I have a 2½ decades long history of disordered and emotional eating. But I'm going to be starting sessions with the Fat Nutritionist in January so I'm positive I can get some of my insanity under control. I just want a healthy relationship with food, you know?

The NP I saw was asking me questions about a million things and making notes while a student observed.

“Are you sexually active?”


“Boys? Girls?”


And then, because I'm ridiculously nervous around medical personnel, I completely panicked and blurted out, “But I haven't been penetrated by a penis in several months!!” Good lord. I mean I suppose it's slightly pertinent but still... Yikes.

Plus side: blood pressure is perfect. Boo-yeah!

She called and got me referred to see a Psychiatrist and to see a pain specialist. I can't see either until February. Which is good as they're $200 each. And the pain specialist is a consult only – no procedures or prescriptions the first visit.

So that horror triggered me calling social security and asking when I'm eligible for Medicare.

“Uhhhh.... Ma'am, you've been on Medicare since February. You were automatically enrolled and the $110 cost has been deducted from you benefits every month since then.”


Yep. $110 a month since February. And I can't get a refund unless I cancel the coverage. Jesus. I should get my new card and all the information in about four weeks. Whatever, all least the ball is rolling. So maybe I actually afford medical help.

I discovered that the health department offers free STI screening and low-cost birth control. I have to call 7am Monday to see if they can take me,

Sonya: you're hanging around, being a young virgin girl in the ancient middle east, then bam! pregnant bam! mother of god bam! a DUCK
Sonya: I like to imagine her coping reasonably well until the duck part
Sonya: Suddenly it's all too much for Mary


November 22, 2010
zippy said...
what did you do with your cats?

November 24, 2010
zippy said...
are there stockings for your cats, too, or did you just leave them somewhere? my sympathy for you has disappeared -- along with all references to your cats being ok or safe. if you can't admit to or own what they experienced due to your inability to deal with life, you aren't going to be responsible enough to deal with college, student loans, etc. i only hope you aren't a big enough narcissistic asshole to get any more pets f any kind, but suspect you're the kind of person to actually spend money on a "cute" animal to distract you from self-created anxiety while letting bills go unpaid.

Wow. This is based onnnn... What, exactly? The fact that I didn't answer the question fast enough? Or that I spent $5.75 on a stocking? One of those two things makes me a horrific pet owner, apparently. I took my cats somewhere they would be taken care of, adopted out, and not be at any risk of euthanasia. I cried for more hours than I can count – even knowing they wouldn't come to any harm. We've had between two and four cats since I was a baby. And, aside from the single one we got from a shelter, they have all been strays. Cats we found in parking lots or on the sides of roads. Cats that had been run over by cars and were hiding while they waited to die. And every single one of them visited a vet, received their shots, and were fixed.

I rarely, if ever, respond to hate mail/comments anymore. Because, really, what can I say? If I disagree or try to explain, I'm just being defensive and can't accept criticism. Some people just hate me, no matter what. And that's fine! I understand why you would. I fuck up a lot. And I've never claimed to be anything other than someone who fucks up a lot.It's totally cool that you don't like me. I mean, honestly, I figure that, if nothing else, at least I give some people snarky entertainment and someone to feel superior to.

But this? Implying that I...what? Tossed them in a dumpster? Drowned them in a sack? Fuck you. Fuck you for implying that I don't love my cats. Fuck you.


  1. If you're on Medicare, you should be able to enroll in a supplemental prescription drug plan. Check up on it. It could really help with the cost.

  2. Never underestimate the lengths to which people on the internet will go to cause cat drama.

    I learned to knit from Youtube! Lots easier than trying to figure out diagrams in books.

    H x

  3. Fuck the haters.

    I'm glad you are able to get some medical care assistance. I hope that you start feeling better.

  4. And for the love of Maude, DON'T cancel the Med B, even though you have to pay $110.50 for it. That covers the majority of your docs visits, so it's well worth it. And I'm with Duckyfun, get a Med D plan, but you need to do it before the end of the year, because their open enrollment is only until December 31. If you want some guidance, feel free to email me at funjulesatbustdotcom. This is what I do for my job, so I'm more than happy to help.

  5. Also,,,,if you have been on Medicare since February, try submitting medical bills you have had for possible repayment to you....It's worth the effort of making copies and even contacting your California medical providers to get copies. Good luck.
    As for the cat comment person....WTF? He sounds like one of those stalkers who love to upset people....Just put him out of your mind...he isn't worth your time.

  6. “But I haven't been penetrated by a penis in several months!!”

    I like how this makes it sound like the hypothetical penis (lol) would have a mind of its own.


  7. Heidi,

    if you don't mind me asking...How long did it take for you to be approved for SSA? My husband is just now starting the process and we are really worried about being denied... I know I give out tons of advice on this, but I have never been on the other side!


  8. Hurray! you are back in business. I have missed your witty, dirty, smarty pants ramblings. If it were not for twitter I would be in complete withdraw and the DTs would be setting in.

  9. Oh, Zippy. You are why I hate the Internet. And Heidi! HOORAY for your life looking beautiful!

  10. Heidi, sorry I haven't commented in so long -- I"ve TOTALLY been following your Deep Fried Southern Adventure, though, and have been LOLing TONS -- I LOVED the post about living in a trailer park next to a guy named Bubba (or whatever his name was), and the football mania, and I love that you've been having fun and meeting people who are kind and friendly. Doesn't that feel like SUCH a relief, like FINALLY you get a little bit of a break? I hope so, and you so deserve it.

    Hence, do not let the freaky, irrational cat activist get you down. Toss him away like lint.

    AND -- go use those Medicare benefits, baby, whatever they are!!!

    P.S. I am writing to you while on the toilet. Literally, I am pooping and typing simultaneously. There are very few people in the world I would ever announce this to, but you are on that extremely short list. LOVE!!!

  11. What happened to your fwb?

  12. The fwb is still around - we just haven't done THAT yet. For no particular reason.

  13. Maybe see if there is a massage school in your area. Usually they offer student massages for about half the regular cost.