Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Blah Blah Blah Solve a Mystery!

My roommate is going away. Sad face. Long story short: instead of moving to Connecticut (really, there's an extra C in there?) in May, she'll be moving in January. Meaning this coming January. I'm sad; I really like living with her and I'm going to miss her a lot. But I think it's what's best for her. She's already found a friend who wants to move into the room she'll be leaving. I'm hoping things will go fairly seamlessly. Fingers crossed!

I made the mistake of reading all of the IM conversations I had with the boyfriend who committed suicide. Sigh. Worst fucking idea ever. It made me really weepy. But maybe in a slightly bittersweet way? I don't know. I was just feeling lonely so, to some degree, I needed a reminder that I am capable of being loved? Even if only briefly. And I can be happy that someone did love me. And that I was able to make someone happy and love them in return.

I think it's common for people with depression to have trouble understanding their feelings. I find it difficult to recognize my feelings as normal or natural. I have to remind myself – it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be down, it's okay to be lonely... I'm allowed to feel these things; they're normal. Being sad because I miss someone isn't a depressive episode. I don't need to run from these feelings. Even though, sometimes, that would be preferable.

I love him. And I miss him. And that's okay.

I don't know, man, not much is going on here, really. Struggling a lot with pain. Both back and the generalized fibromyalgia stuff. I don't think the colder weather is helping matters. I think I need a heating pad. I swear, I want to rip my entire coccyx out with my bare hands.

This entry is all over the place, I apologize. I'm just going to wrap this sucker up and call it a day.

But first...Keila has a mystery. George Michael once did MTV Unplugged. And she swears he covered a Morrissy/Smiths song. Is this reality or is she hallucinating such awesomeness?



  2. Doesn't look like it, according to this:

    (Had to go searching for it, since I would love to see that cover, but oh well.)