Monday, September 13, 2010

I often run into a guy I went to high school with when I’m using the internet at Starbucks. I told him I was moving to Alabama (and everyone around us offered their sympathies – I’m not even moved yet and I’m already starting to get offended!) and he told me he wanted to keep in touch. So he gave me his website address. I looked it up after he’d left. All about the Jesus. My immediate thought was, aaaaaaaand that’s one more person who should never have access to my Facebook status updates! If you’re offended by abortion jokes or ragey rants about Christian zealotry, you probably shouldn’t be my FB friend…thems the rules! Really, it’s in your best interest.

Argh, I’m ridiculously cranky. My doctor’s office still hasn’t managed to squeeze me in so no painkillers. And no sleeping pills so I’ve been taking Benedryl and Nyquil to knock myself out. Ugh, Nyquil makes me so damn nauseated. And my car has begun making horrific noises that I can’t even begin to describe. Bad noises. Like, explosion-imminent noises. It’s only five years old! It shouldn’t be making noises like this! I’m currently at the car place, waiting to hear what’s wrong with it and just hoping to god the problem is under warranty or (hahaha) inexpensive to repair. Bah! Major cranky pants. I’m in a bit of a depression downswing so… Yeah, this shit ain’t helping matters.

I don’t talk about it much, I don’t think, but I’m still absolutely terrified over this move. I think to myself, I’ve never lived so far from home. But then I realize…I don’t really have a “home” anymore. Not one here, anyway. Maybe that’s what’s most terrifying; I don’t have anywhere to run to if this all blows up in my face. There’s no more net. And that is some scary shit.

I was talking with a friend and I realized that, yes, I was parentified at an extremely early age but was done so by people who didn’t pay their bills, didn’t cook, didn’t clean… So, it’s weird. I was raised to feel and be responsible for every person I come across but haven’t the slightest clue how to take care of myself.

I love my friends so much.

Me: So whatcha up to today?
(redacted): Taking a pole fitness class with (friend)!
Me: Wait a second… By “pole fitness” you mean “strippercise” don’t you!?!
(redacted): Pray for me.

Bahahahah “pole fitness” my ass! Don’t you bastards try to trick me! I’m onto you!

Me: i love you so fucking hard
Sonya: I love you more.
Me: so totally not possible
Sonya: No, I can prove it with maths.
Me: i have CHARTS bitch!!
Sonya: Show me your charts.
Me: not on the first date…

Me: okay, yes, it was 3am but ive seriously thought about getting a tattoo of the critic in order to honor the lovitz
Keila: there has to be a tasteful way to pull that off
Me: i refuse to veto it completely
Keila: agreed


  1. you DO have a safety net. me & jeff are only like 3 hours away from you when you get here. you are more than welcome to come hide from reality at our place.

    seriously, people in the south are all about the jesus, but for the most part people in alabama are really nice.

    you CAN do this...if you tell yourself you can. if you go around all day telling yourself that you can't do this then you won't be able to. get your ass in gear & hurry up & get here. alabama needs you...& i can't wait to be a part of all the insanity that will ensue.

    I love you. Chin up.

  2. I am sure you are going to love your big move....take a deep breath and just do it. good luck....

  3. If Jesus had lived in the South, he would still be alive today

  4. There is a very dorky mixed CD on its way to you from Greater Houstonia.