Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Me in a Dress!

27/365

I’ve never worn a dress in public. But this might be my first exception. I’m scared! I’d have to wear it with opaque tights though because I’m embarrassed of the discoloration on my legs. I have so many skirts and dresses that have never seen the light of day. And it’s time to change that, I think. I want to be fancy!

If I move an hour or so east I can find rooms in my price range. Problems: I can’t afford a deposit; I can’t afford the move itself; I have two cats; my credit is, seriously, one of the worst you’ll have ever seen; and I have way too much crap I’m scared to get rid of in case my mom wants to leave the home.

Groovy said I can sleep on his couch, if things get desperate. So at least I know I won’t be living in my car. If nothing else.

I feel like a weepy little mess. Only sobbing and fat. I feel completely paralyzed. Being grown up is overrated and I have no idea how to do it. I need some sort of manual. Fixing Your Imploded Life for Dummies.

I cannot even imagine how I’d be doing without my psych meds. My god. Thank the lord for drugs. More specifically – drugs that actually work for me.

29 comments:

  1. you look amazing in that dress! is that the one that you told me about?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Would tanning even out the coloration? Can barely even tell it's there, in that photo, so it might not be as noticeable as you think.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am so glad you aren't on LJ any more, so I can comment on your posts! I've been reading since the days of the "Goon Rush" and I think this is the best, most wonderfulest picture of you. Things sound really rough and it will probably get a little darker, but I really think you are rounding the corner. Great job and keep smiling.

    P.S. Your legs look absolutely normal.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That dress is SUPER cute. With opaque tights and a belt around you waist, and some accessories that would be SUPER stylin!

    -need_anoutlet

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG! How cute are you?!?! You look awesome in that dress, and from where I'm sitting your legs look fine. Though some pretty patterned tights would look great with it! = )

    ReplyDelete
  6. UHHHHHHHHHHH you look great in dresses!!!! Very flattering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. That's a darling dress and you look great. Sweetie, you have revealed all your naked body to us and we still love you...be yourself and blossom.

    Re your MOM....like others have said, SHE wants to stay in the nursing home. Apparently she feels safe and secure and cared for there...So don't get freaked out. Take care of yourself. I think your mother is giving you permission to live your own life so do it. If you have to live with someone on their couch to get enough money saved up...do it. Don't worry about keeping things in case your mother comes home... Sell what you can and worry about that later. Find a place where you can be happy, have friends, get a job of some type and start over. Please.

    ReplyDelete
  8. i have spider veins so i totally feel you but dresses are worth it because I feel so much more stylish when I'm wearing a dress! make yourself wear it a couple of times and you'll get used to it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You look fantastic in that dress! It would look fantastic with some tights, chunky heels and big-ass jewellery!

    ReplyDelete
  10. If it makes you feel any better, my credit is likely at least as bad as yours. It's a weird thing to admit, but I've found some of my self-esteem is tied into my cash-flow, and like having the "wrong" weight, I feel like a BAD PERSON, not just a poor person, for having crappy credit. Knowing that I am not the bottom of the heap, i.e. the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD because of my crummy credit has helped me stress out about it less. You are not alone.

    Not that it reduces my financial obligations in any meaningful way, but at least I only have to stress about money, and not SUCKING SO BAD.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You look gorgeous in that dress!

    I'm sorry that the move and life are stressful right now. I hope that everything works out.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You look nice in that dress. You should join this LJ community, you might get some ideas on how to dress your body more fashionably. Those girls wear the cutest put together stuff :D

    http://community.livejournal.com/fatshionista/

    ReplyDelete
  13. That dress is beautiful on you!

    ReplyDelete
  14. dude you look so GREAT! look at that waist!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. You look BEAUTIFUL!! Loving that dress on you!

    I know so much in your life is so overwhelming right now, but you will be able to make it work. Being an adult can indeed suck for the most part, but having a plan makes it easier. Keep taking life one minute at a time.

    ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love that dress; it looks amazing on you. You have a totally knock out figure.

    Some landlords, if you ask politely, will allow you to slowly pay off a deposit by adding it a little at a time to the montly rent. So if you found a place you could comfortably afford, you could conceivably ask them to add $10 a month on until the deposit was paid off. And not every place checks credit either, or I'd be homeless by now!

    ReplyDelete
  17. That dress looks GREAT on you. And I agree with whoever above suggested pairing it with some boots (I love boots, dress, and tights all together - a winning threesome!). Yes I said threesome :) Keep rockin' it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Look at this fabulousness! Do what you have to to feel comfortable, but god damnit, wear this dress!

    LMAO @ someone recommending fats to you.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thank you all soooooooo much!!! You make me want to put it on and go out on the town right now! Next goal: find a place to wear it! xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  20. You. Look. AMAZING!! I agree, don't worry about keeping things for when your mom comes home. People can always accumulate more stuff (I'm living proof. :) Just do as you wrote before and do what YOU need to do to move into a more affordable place. Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  21. You look AWESOME in that dress! Wear that shit wherever you can. I can't see discoloration in your legs in the photo, but if you're self-conscious, I'm going to hop on the boots bandwagon as well.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wear that dress everywhere, every day! You look gorgeous, Heidi.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi Heidi, I'm the person from NZ who left the message on your formspring - you look SO GOOD in this dress! Wear it! All the time! And don't doubt how you look, because if it looked terrible I'd tell you to take it off and burn it. Cos I'm honest like that. Hope you are feeling good today :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  24. People are probably more strict in Cali but if you rent from an individual rather than a corporation (like an apt bldg, or even a person represented by a real estate company), you don't have to worry about the credit rating b/c most don't bother with that. They are also more likely to accept your animals. Also, I guess you have an eviction on your credit rating now so maybe this won't help, but supposedly landlords aren't looking at your credit rating when they run those reports, they are looking for evictions or amounts owed on prior rentals. I rented the house I live in now from the actual owner rather than a company so that I could avoid the credit checks, because I have an eviction on my credit report, and it was absolutely painless.

    ReplyDelete
  25. that dress is fab, seriously. PLEASE wear it out somewhere! gorgeous.

    ReplyDelete
  26. You look very fancy in a dress, Heidi! I'm loving it!!!!! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  27. I love love love black shirt dresses like this. I wear them with crazy bright tights (purple is fun, red also) and black shoes. Coordinate tights to headband! Go Heidi Go! Sartorial victory!

    ReplyDelete
  28. You look cute! Will the discoloration eventually go away, or is it permanent? It's not really noticeable but I'm just curious about it...hope it's not a mean thing to ask.

    ReplyDelete

If you're asking a question, please include your email address in your comment so I can contact you! <3