Thursday, January 21, 2010

Being a Grown Up

When my check comes on the 3rd I’ll be buying a corded phone and going ahead as a phone sex worker. I need to call to find out about disability and working. I know I can make $800 a month with no impact on my benefits. And I think I can make more than that for X number of months before giving them up and going off disability. I get the X number of months in order to make sure I’m able to work full time.

What’s difficult is that I don’t know whether or not Mom will be coming home. If she’s not, I need to move and could just rent a room somewhere. If she is, I need to either stay here or find an apartment for two of us. If it’s the former…I kind of want to leave Los Angeles and move up north. But then I’d be leaving her as well. Which I think I’d feel much too guilty about. But, at 31, do I continue to base my life decisions on what would make my parent happy? I don’t know. It’s a hard decision to make.

A few of the 250+ recipes I have bookmarked:
Chipotle Chicken with Sweet Potatoes
Zucchini, Bacon, and Goat Cheese Tart
Wasabi Roasted Asparagus
Shrimp with Tomato Sauce and Feta
Garlic Orange Spinach

8 comments:

  1. This definitely sounds like a reasonable plan. Would it be cheaper/would you be allowed to operate your business from a second cell phone line? Maybe adding a line to your current plan would be cheaper than getting a land line? I'm not sure.

    It is tempting to suggest capping your income at $800 so you can retain at least the relative security of the disability benefits... that way if business suddenly went south for some reason, you would have something coming in. (Of course this is null if you become a super wildly successful mistress of the night!) But I don't know if you can live on the two combined?

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  2. I think you should strike out on your own, and if your heart tells you to go north, then go for it. You said it yourself, you can't afford where you are now with just your income - and if going north means lower rents so much the better. It's not even about making your mom happy at this point - it's about your own survival.

    I watched my aunt and grandparents go through something similar when she sold the house they had all been in and moved to FL after they had both entered nursing homes - long involved story there which I'll spare you. Nana and Papa reacted very differently - Papa basically told her to go be her damn self just make sure she visited a few times a year and Nana...well, Nana was upset and pissed for a while. But you know what? She got over it.

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  3. A lot to consider. I do not envy your predicament...but I do admire your strength.

    So my two cents...personally for me (and in following your blogs for many years I wouldn't be surprised for you as well) a big variable in this process is how well your mom reacts to chemo and what the prognosis will be once her course of treatment commences. Things could look very different depending on whether they tell you she has an excellent chance of recovery and living independently or if they think she will require round the clock care for the remainder of her life.

    I guess I would have a difficult time moving too far away if I knew my mother had a short time to live or if I knew she would need me during treatment for cancer. And the difficult time wouldn't be for any altruistic reason...it would be because I wouldn't want to look back in anguish and regret later in life.

    I do think moving away is a serious consideration for you (probably a healthy choice in the long run) but I would encourage thoughtful and serious deliberation before making any decisions.

    My positive thoughts are sent your way!!

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  4. whatever you choose to do, you need to do what will benefit your life in the long term. it's horrid that your mother is so ill, but at the same time it's important to take yourself to a place of growth rather than stagnation. You can do it!

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  5. For the time being you have another option, which is to sublet out the extra bedroom(s) in the space you rent now.

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  6. Do you already have an offer from a PSO agency? Just curious because when our lives went to shit, I had a friend on my LJ list try to get me in phone sex. She's been doing it for years, but the economy has hit them as hard as it has any other industry. I created profiles at adultjobfinder sort of sites and contacted every reputable agency out there once a week and never once had a bite aside from places that wanted cam girls who were willing to do some very... hard things on webcam.

    I eventually stopped trying when I got the job at the book store.

    Have you checked out psosupport.com? Read up some there if you haven't. The level of work one has to do in the trenches as well as some of the sleazier companies may make even $800 a month difficult, especially if you work for a company with hold times. But they also tell you the companies where you can make a shitload of money and the companies to avoid. Excellent resource.

    Let me know because I'll put you in contact with my friend - you two should know each other anyway on general principle because you both rock. She could give you some very good insider info.

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  7. I think when you have a better idea of what your mother's medical situation is and will be during chemo; you can make a better decision on what you can do as well. Hopefully whereever you end up; you can find some type of employment. Keep on working on it...you are doing a good job.

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  8. crockpot365 is all sorts of awesome. it's given me so many new food ideas.

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