Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Q: Who created your website?
The vision in my head was made reality by Natalie Perkins (graphic designer extraordinaire), Christina Maki, and Sharnee Mazarigle (web design superheroes)! The portrait in the sidebar was created by Sophie of germfree!!

Q: What’s this blog about?
Um, me, basically. I talk about my life…and all the boring, exciting, stupid, insane moments within. I did, do, and always will view this as my journal. Which means I whine and bitch and moan and vent when bad things happen. Because that’s what you do in your journal. Just a warning.

Q: Where do you live? Wanna hang out!?

A: I lived my whole life in Los Angeles and, when my life imploded, I ended up packing my car, driving cross-country, and settling in Auburn, Alabama. I'm about an hour and a half from Atlanta, Georgia. Then in 2015 I moved my ass to Denver, where the altitude almost killed meeeee.  And sure! Though I’m incredibly shy and nervous meeting new people I absolutely would love to hang out!

Q: Wow, your hair was/is bright! How do you get it to look like that?

A: A lot of bleach. I used to do it myself but, once I hit my early 20s and was gainfully employed, I was more than happy to pay a stylist to do it for me! I've gone back to doing it on my own.  One day I’ll write a step-by-step but for now, two suggestions. I’ve used a ton of different dyes over the past 20 years but my absolute favorite brand is Special Effects.

The most important thing for unnaturally colored hair is shampoo. Or the lack thereof. If you want your color to last, you need to stop washing your hair every day. You can condition as often as you want but shampoo as rarely as possible. And when you do shampoo, don’t leave it in long and use a moisturizing one. They contain less soap and will strip out the least amount of your color. I use dry shampoo.

Q: What kind of music do you like? What’s your favorite movie? Who’s your favorite author? Are you one of those people who watches TV?

A: I have questionable and eclectic musical taste and I’m the first to admit it! I listen to everything from Bikini Kill to Kanye, Nine Inch Nails to Frank Sinatra. I also have a special place in my heart for terrible, bouncy pop music. Ke$ha for instance?  LOVE.  NO SHAME!

Some of my favorite movies include The Big Lebowski, Fargo, The Wizard of Oz, Psycho and just about anything else from Hitchcock, Jaws, Clue, all the Muppet movies, Hellboy, This is Spinal Tap, Young Frankenstein, the original Star Wars trilogy (I pretend the prequels never existed), The Godfather, Sunset Blvd, and The Thin Man series.  Also anything involving Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic.

I’ll read anything I can get my hands on.

Shows I can watch a million times and never get sick of: Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, The Venture Bros., Golden Girls, Futurama, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Reno 911!, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Veep, The League, anything true crime, and lots of British stuff (Are You Being Served?, The Office, Extras, Keeping Up Appearances, The League of Gentlemen, Wire in the Blood, Black Books, IT Crowd…)

Q: You talk about a lot of things that should be private. Don’t you have any shame/pride/dignity?

A: Nope, none.

Q: Explain, please.

A: At its center, this is my journal. Even though it’s public and a few people read it. Look, this started as my “online diary” and, ultimately, that’s how I’ll always see it. I started blogging because it was an easier way for me to journal since I didn’t have to write longhand. And that hasn’t really changed much since. Yes, I’m aware that people read this but that still strikes me as odd because, to me, it’s still just my journal.

I write about boring shit and spew out my pain and act all melodramatic and whiney because that’s what you do in your journal. Your diary isn’t about showing people that you can be strong or that you know your drama isn’t the most important thing on earth. It’s all the random, selfish, stupid shit that swirls around in your brain until you can get it out on paper.

I don’t edit out the stuff that makes me look bad or weak because I’m worried about losing readers or ad revenue or because I’ve created this beautiful little fa├žade that I don’t want cracked. I am cracked. I’m cracked and flawed and as imperfect as a person can be. And I’m not going to lie or edit in order to hide that from you. I just journal. And a few people seem to enjoy reading it.

Q: I don’t like fat people. What do you think of THAT!?

A: Um…okay, whatever works for you, I guess.

Q: So, wait…you had weight loss surgery? What is that, exactly? And I thought you were all, “ooooh, fat people rule.” You’re just a big, fat hypocrite, aren’t you!?

A: Yep, I did. I had surgery on October 22, 2007, at 550 pounds. The specific surgery I had was a laparoscopic RNY gastric bypass. The surgeons burrowed six holes into my body, inserted cameras and tools, and separated a one-ounce portion of my stomach and some of my lower intestine from the rest. This results in my stomach being able to hold an extremely limited amount of food or liquid in addition to fat and sugar not being fully absorbed by my body. And, yep, that would make me a big, fat hypocrite.

Q: Why didn’t you have surgery sooner?
A: I spent 16 months trying to get surgery approved by my insurance company. 16 months. In the end I had to change insurance plans and go into debt to make it happen. Clearly, had I anticipated any of this, I would have started the process a hell of a lot earlier.

Q: What do you eat now?
All sorts of stuff! But if you buy me sushi, I’ll probably love you forever.

Q: I know a great diet / you really shouldn’t be eating that / there’s this cabbage soup that will make you live forever!
First off, those aren’t questions. And secondly, I’m not interested. Honey, I know you mean well but…  I’m already fully aware that vegetables are healthier than M&Ms and that this revolutionary new thing called “exercise” is good for my body. I also have two surgeons, a nutritionist, and an assload of doctors whose advice I’m much more apt to take. I realize that your e-degree in Know-it-All-ogy is impressive to some but I’ll pass.

Q: So, when you say you're crazy, how crazy do you mean?

A: Here is a list of my current psychological diagnoses.   Bipolar Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, Insomnia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Attention Deficit Disorder.  While I'm at it, here are my physical diagnoses!  Rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia, bone spurs, lower back/coccyx injury, damaged neck vertebrae which is crushing the nerves that lead to my hands, resulting in peripheral neuropathy. I think that's it!

Q: I’d like to stalk you. Where else can I find you online?

A: Twitter Flickr Facebook Good Reads Tumblr  Instagram 

Q: Hey, I know you! And it’s your birthday/Valentine’s Day/Festivus…what should I get you?

A: Aww, you’re awesome!! I have a whole long wish list of stuff here!


  1. dear heidi

    will you ever give us, your adoring fans, a link to the journal full of dirty sexy things?


  2. yeah what she said.

  3. Totally fabulous website!!! So glad I can comment now!

  4. What nutritionist do you have that tells you to eat grilled cheese sandwiches with peanut butter and bacon?